


To Victory or Underground

by CherryMilkshake



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Holiday Fic Exchange, Love, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 07:22:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13141815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CherryMilkshake/pseuds/CherryMilkshake
Summary: Sina Tabris is suddenly hit by the knowledge she will soon find herself back in Denerim. This does not sit well. Alistair takes the opportunity to help the woman he loves.





	To Victory or Underground

**Author's Note:**

> For @[blacktabris](https://blacktabris.tumblr.com/) for @[santa-age](https://santa-age.tumblr.com/) on tumblr!

_It’s on to victory or underground  
_ _Burn the fleet, we’ll be heroes or ghosts  
_ _But we won’t be turned around_  
  - Burn the Fleet by Thrice

Since becoming a Warden, and especially since the battle of Ostagar and Alistair’s deference to her decisions, Dysina Tabris had felt the pressure of the status. The constant stress of travel and battles and politics—ugh, the damned  _politics_. She hated those most of all. Her companions bickered endlessly, and pleasing one meant angering another, and they all had such  _baggage_. (Not that she didn’t have her own.) **  
**

But now they were headed back to Denerim, a city that she honestly hoped she’d never have to see again. She kept up appearances as best she could. No weakness could show through, she knew that.

And yet, Alistair, for all his naivete and childishness, noticed.

The night before they were set to arrive in Denerim, Sina was feeding her dog, as she always did. He barked happily as he snapped up the meat, rolling onto his back for Sina to rub his belly. She chuckled and obliged. “Oh Shianni would  _love_ you,” she murmured, moving her hands up to rub his ears. But her hands stopped as she thought of home— No, what  _used_ to be home.

The weight of everything that had happened fell onto her shoulders.

She excused herself quickly, ducking into her tent before the panic could hit her in earnest.  

After a few minutes, Alistair slipped into her tent. “Sina, are you—” He gasped when she looked up at him with a face stained with tears.

“A-Alistair!” she breathed, reaching up to wipe at her eyes. “Maker’s breath, didn’t anyone ever teach you not to barge in on people? Were you raised in a barn?”

He tried to smile. “Well, not  _raised_ in one,” he joked, sitting down beside her. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay, Sina.” He tried to rub her back, but she shooed him off.

“You don’t know that,” she said, choking on the knot in her throat. “You can’t know that.” What if horrible things had been done to her family as retribution for her actions? Had the arl taken revenge on the entire alienage for the death of his son? She’d taken responsibility, but having been denied his execution, had the arl’s wrath grown under the neglectful watch of Loghain?

Alistair’s voice brought her out of the spiraling thoughts. “Sina,” he said firmly, putting his hands on her shoulders. “Breathe.”

She tried, dragging air into her chest, but it was caught and strangled in her throat, shuddering right back out. Tears leaked out of her eyes.

“ _Breathe_ ,” Alistair said again, this time pulling her into an embrace. Against her good ear, his heart—its beating low and steady in his broad chest—thrummed.

Slowly, she tried to match her breathing to his heartbeat, the stress and anxiety ebbing away.

“There you go,” Alistair sighed, and his hand came to rest on her back, rubbing her shoulders. “It’s okay.”

“You can’t know that,” she said again, softly this time, more resigned than panicked now.

“Sure, I can’t be certain, but I know one thing.”

She raised her head, looking up at him. “Oh? And what’s that?”

“I know that you are the strongest, most beautiful and fierce woman I have ever met. No matter what happens, you will come out on top.” He pushed back her hair, damp with sweat and tears, freeing her face. “I know it will be okay because I have faith that you will  _make_ it okay.”

“But what if I  _don’t_ , Alistair? Don’t you get it?”

“You will, because the others and I will be there to help you, every step of the way. Even Morrigan.”

Sina sighed and tucked her head into the crook of his shoulder, breathing in the scent of sweat and metal that clung to them both no matter how often they scrubbed their skin. “What if it’s too late for me to do anything, Alistair?” she asked softly.

“Then we’ll be there to pick you up if you fall,” he said firmly, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into his lap. “You were there for me, even when we barely knew each other and my whining didn’t deserve it. Let me support you too.”

“You were in mourning,” she protested. “It wasn’t undeserved.”

He chuckled and pinched her side. “You’re doing it again! It’s  _my_ turn, I told you!”

Finally, she laughed, the tears truly finished. “Alright, alright! Fine, you were a huge baby whiner who didn’t deserve my sympathy.”

“ _There_ we go!” He kissed her cheek. “And you are lovely and strong and will one day wrap all of Ferelden around your little finger, and the entire country will thank you for it.”

Sina laughed at the ridiculous notion and embraced her lover, basking in his warmth—both the physical and personal. Alistair was like a personal sun, a source of light and life even in these darkest of times.

With that smile behind her, maybe everything  _would_ be okay.


End file.
